It will be easy for everyone to tell I’m back at work…….
So I broke the 2nd rule that was made for me while I worked with Patty. The first was don’t read the editorial page, the 2nd was don’t read parenting magazines. I bought a new magazine entitled “Real Simple Family.” It didn’t sound like it would be overly judgemental or tell you that things like “good parents do this…… and bad parents do this.” Well I was WRONG.
I happened upon an article entitled “Parenting Slip Ups” which actually used banana peels to rate how bad your slip up was. 5 banana peels meaning “we’re calling child protective services” to 1 banana peel meaning “it’s ok even perfect parents have an oops moment, however your child will not be allowed in Harvard because of this.” Well needless to say I’m fairly certain I’ve “slipped up” on all of the 1 banana peel ratings. Those include, letting them eat food off the floor, wake up your sleeping child, not properly childproofing the house (however I did get points for having smoke detectors in their rooms) and not making sure they wear scares, hats, mittens and basically go outside anytime the weather is 32 degrees or lower looking like the Bob Gregory kid. However I learned I had also committed all of the 4 banana peel slip ups also…… including losing my temper and yelling at my kids, not making them (aka Dawson) brush his teeth regulary thereby causing his baby teeth to rot, and not always making sure that the entire 10 days worth of antibiotics was taken properly. I’m also a violator of the 3 banana peel slip up – letting your kids sleep with you.
Therefore I have awarded myself a Participantion Award for parenting. Of course it is really hard for me to continue reading this magazine becuase it offered cures for common childhood ailments like: a headache. If your child complains of a headache you should have them a) take a nap b) give them the recommend dosage of over the counter pain relief c) apply a damp rag to their forehead. If the condition persists however your child could need glasses, could be eating too much sugar or a very serious condition like childhood migranes. So see……brain tumor is no where indicated when your child complains of a headache. Yeah there are some other medical tips in here that are also making me laugh after spending 10 days in an ICU.
Well I’ve got more to say but I’m running on Andi Baughn time and have to end it.