Danielle the Diva Hampster

Russian Dwarf Hamster

Ok these are really some totally random thoughts – but for some reason I decided to blog about them.  I have decided that the hamster that was graciously given to us by our teenage neighbor (who upgraded to a rat – yes a real rat, long tail and pointy nose, beady eyes) is a girl.  She is a female, there is no question about it.  No it’s not like when I found out Peter Parker the bunny was a girl after finding the seven babies she had.  I have decided that “Danny” the hamster who Teagan renamed Danielle is truly a girl.  How did I come to this conclusion?  Well it’s simple really.  Danielle is a bit of a pain, or the PC term would be a “diva.”  She has decided to sleep during the day and then she stays up all night.  Which seems harmless enough, it’s not like a cat staying up all night prowling through the house.  However, Danielle the Diva hamster likes to run.  She runs on her treadmill all night long.  She runs what would be the equivalent of the Boston Marathon in hamster miles nightly.  One night I presume I will get up and see her happily jogging in her hamster wheel with an ipod jammed in her ears and a cute little Under Armor outfit – that may be after a night of heavy drinking but you never know it could happen.  Anyway back to the original statement of how I’m positive she’s a girl.  She runs her hamster miles nightly – she eats a well balanced diet of sunflower seeds and corn – she only drinks water.  She should be one skinny hampster.  But she’s not, she’s a chunky little fluff of fur as wide as she is tall.  Only a female could run 15 miles a night, eat only corn and sunflower seeds and drink only water and still be chunky.  A male hampster would probably evaporate after a few weeks on such a strict diet and exercise, but not a female.  That is how I determined the sex of our hamster.

Oh… how did I discover she runs all night on her wheel?  Well her wheel makes a bit of squeaky noise.  Not enough squeak to wake me up all the way down the hall, but enough squeak to wake up our delicate 70 pound bulldog who decided the “squeak squeak squeak” was an intruder who was coming to rob us.  For being such a big baby of a dog he has a terribly loud and menacing bark which at 1am can make you pee your pants.  His deep and boisterous barking however didn’t deter Danielle the Diva hamster from her running workout – she just kept right on running – “squeak ” squeak squeak.”  Danielle was running at 1am…. 3am….5am, each time Bam the bulldog was certain someone was coming to kill us.  Or more likely Bam was afraid someone was in the house who might possibly take his food.  “Squeak squeak squeak” and “Bark bark bark” was all I heard one night.

After watching Danielle one night running in her wheel I have decided I need to invent a human size hamster wheel.  I have a treadmill.  If I blow the dust and cobwebs off of it – it may still work.  I’ve never “run” more than 2 miles on the treadmill – and I can’t imagine staying on it for 3 hours straight.  But Danielle the hamster runs on that wheel as fast as she can for hours and hours.  Sometimes she gets going so fast she flips her self over, shakes her head and keeps running.  There is obviously something fun and exciting about the hamster wheel that we as humans will never know – there has to be or else why would Danielle run for hours and hours on it?  I think I will build a giant human size hamster wheel – I can even see the infomercial I’ll use to sell it.  3 skinny women and 1 muscular man happily jogging along inside a big wheel.  Every so often one of them will trip and flip themselves over and then keep jogging while I explain the benefits of working out inside the wheel.  And then after I make millions with people lining up to make 3 easy payments of $39.95 to buy the wheel I’ll introduce the giant human size hamster ball.  What?  It could work….


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