On Saturday night we made fried chicken at my house. Or its technical term according to the Teagan unabridged Dictionary…. “Chicken on the bone.” Both Dawson and Teagan enjoy cooking so when I got the chicken out of the refrigerator they both decided to help cook the chicken. I truly wish I would have had a video of this experience, but I will do my best to describe how we made fried chicken. This will actually be the dialog (to the best of my recollection) between Teagan and Dawson while we were getting the chicken ready to fry. It’s completely random as only an 11 and 7-year-old can be, but it had me at one point laughing so hard I had to leave the room.
Teagan: “I feel sorry for the chickens – they had to lose their legs so we can eat dinner.”
Dawson: “You want me to help you take the chicken out of the bowl and put it on paper towels? OK…. O gross this is gross… they feel all slimy! O gross Teagan feel this I can feel where they cut it!”
Teagan: “EWWW no!”
Teagan: “Let’s sing….. I’m just sitting here wastin’ time, smokin’ drinkin’ tryin’ to free my mind (yes I know she’s singing Kid Rock…. no I don’t know why or where she learned the lyrics…. I’m afraid of the answer)…. AHEM… Dawson??? guitar???”
At this point Dawson drops the last of the chicken and bursts into some air guitar. After his brief air guitar solo..
Dawson: “Ok that was sick I have to wash my hands”
As Dawson is washing his hands they both break into Kid Rock, again with the “Smokin’, Drinkin’ tryin’ to free my mind…..” This from Dawson who is totally impressed that he is graduating from DARE at school this week.
Teagan: “Seriously…. I feel bad for the chickens.”
Me: “I wish I had a video camera right now.” This was a bad idea to plant in her head.
Teagan: “DAD!! DAD!! Go get the video camera so we can make a movie of our song.”
Me: “Before we get the chicken ready lets peel the potatoes”
Dawson: “I’ll wash them you peel them, remember last time I cut my hand?’
Me: “Seriously? How did you cut yourself with a peeler?”
Dawson: “I don’t know….. I just did, it’s not like it’s hard….It’s sharp you know.”
Teagan breaks out into another round of Kid Rock…. still the same lyrics of Smokin’ drinkin’ and tryin’ to free her little mind.
Me: “Teagan, do you know another song?”
Teagan: “No…….. (singing) I’m just sittin’ here wastin’ time….”
Dawson: “SMOKIN’ DRINKIN’ TRYIN’ TO FREE MY MIND!!!”
Teagan: “Guitar solo!!!!!” She then bursts into an air guitar routine worthy of KISS.
By this time, the potatoes are peeled and the chicken is ready to dredge in flour and fry. As I go to pour oil in the frying pan I find some vegetable oil, there is only about 1 cup. Rotating the lazy Susan I find another nearly empty bottle of vegetable oil and pour the remnants of that into the pan. Spinning the lazy Susan one more time I find a 3rd bottle of oil, again about a cup left. Dave has meandered into the kitchen at this time and is laughing at me attempting to piece together enough oil to fry chicken.
Dawson: “Wouldn’t it be easier if it was all in one bottle.” Yes, Mr. Obvious it would be.
At this point Dave has decided it is better for him to fry the chicken. My last (and only) attempt at frying chicken ended up with me burning myself and throwing a spatula across the kitchen.
Dave: “It’s better this way, if you get too much oil it splatters too much and you might get burned.” He doesn’t even try to hide the smirk.
Eventually we did manage to get the “chicken fried”….. and by that time I was in need of “a cold beer on a Friday night.”