I have found that owning a bulldog is at it’s best challenging. Today I cleaned out the refrigerator tossing old leftovers in Glad containers into the sink. Without a second thought I decided to head back to the laundry room to see if the clothes were dry. I was back in the laundry room for just a moment when I realized something was wrong. No bulldog at my side and it was quiet. Bulldogs are never quiet unless they are up to something bad. There is usually a crash or a bark or a whine or a whimper and even when they sleep they snore louder than a freight train. But when there is quiet…. they are up to something. I returned to the kitchen to find that he had managed to get all 4 leftover containers out of the sink and open and was snarfing the last remaining bits of pulled pork, mashed potatoes and pizza. The thing is, he hadn’t destroyed the containers – he had taken the lids off. Had I not watched as he gingerly opened the last container with his front teeth I wouldn’t have believed it. With little effort he popped the lid right off and made short order of the taco meat inside. I stared in amazement before scolding him. I thought that since the containers were sealed there would be no way he could open them. Again I was wrong.
You see there are very few things that are bulldog proof. Titanium and Kryptonite being the only things off the top of my head that I can think of. While I’m writing companies to request they make their products more bulldog proof….. let me include Wilson, Mizuno, Adidas and Rawlings. To date he has eaten or partially eaten 1 Wilson baseball glove, 1 Mizuno left-handed catchers mitt, 1 Adidas left-handed baseball glove, multiple tennis balls and at least 3 Rawlings baseballs. For those of you that don’t know a baseball is made up of a cork ball covered in rubber, then (this is the fun part) 150 yards of cotton yarn and 219 yards of wool yarn covered by cowhide. It takes a bulldog 3.4 minutes to destroy one and string all 236 yards of yarn throughout the house. Adidas does get partial credit, their soccer balls do survive fairly well – and yes a size 4 soccer ball does fit into a bulldogs mouth. Footballs do not fair so well and anything made by NERF will be completely destroyed in less than 1 minute.
The stuffed animals in my house have built themselves a Stuffed Animal Preserve in Teagans room in an attempt to not be eaten since Teagan keeps her door shut. He really enjoys chewing a good baseball hat or two so Dave put them all in a large Rubermaid container however after watching him pry open the Glad containers today I’m not sure that’s safe anymore. He has eaten an umbrella, a baseball bat bag, 2 pairs of hiking boots, 1 pair of leather fire boots, the cable TV line, 2 garden hoses, the carpet off the stairs in the garage and an unknown number of trash bags.
He loves flip-flops and he loves to lick toes if the you are wearing flip-flops. He has devoured 2 pairs of Crocs – jibits and all. He has head butted his way through our fence and we had to replace it and then reinforce it. And on the chain link fence he learned the Diablo-houdini trick of flipping the latch on the gate so now it has a pin in it. Luckily he has not learned the Diablo-houdini door trick or the Diablo-houdini crate trick. My kids are the only ones I know of who could actually use the excuse “my dog ate my homework” – because he has eaten homework, paper, pencils, books and made an attempt or two at a backpack.
Basically there is nothing made on this planet that is bulldog proof. Well… technically he has not been able to destroy his Kong toy. Their claims have held up that they are indestructible. Kong needs to make more products… like baseball gloves, baseballs, footballs, stuffed animals, umbrellas, shoes, flip-flops, fences, rakes, books, and most importantly…. left over containers.