Santa’s Secret List

For those of you who don’t know, Santa has a secret list.  I’ve had to share this list with Teagan this year.  Dawson heard the same list about the time he was in first grade too.

This is the list of things Santa only tells certain people so keep it quiet!

1.  Santa can’t make people who are sick get better and can’t bring people and pets who have died back to life.  You can still wish for people who are sick to get better and Santa can wish with you but even his magic can’t cure everything.

2.  Santa cannot bring puppies, kitties, ponies, donkey’s, hamsters or any other live animal for Christmas.  There are FFA flight regulations preventing live animal travel in sleighs not to mention that the ponies can make a big mess and no elf wants to clean pony poop out of the sleigh.

3.  Santa has a limit on his Best Buy credit card which means he only has so many electronic games and gizmos he can give out each year.  To accommodate this problem, the elves but all the names on the “good” list into a bin and hold a lottery to see who will win.  This is why some kids get Xbox’s and Wii’s and Ipod’s and others don’t.  At this time Sony, Nintendo and Apple are still protected under copyright laws and the elves can’t get license to build them.

4.  Santa can’t bring you a cell phone.  There are no service providers in the North Pole, not even Verizon so there is no way to get a cell phone from Santa.

5.  Santa rarely leaves the North Pole after October so the Santa’s you see at the malls and at Christmas Parties are really just men dressed up like Santa – that’s why some of them look like they are only 25 years old and some aren’t fat and don’t have white hair.  But all the mall Santa’s wear a secret microphone that transmit’s directly to the North Pole where there are special dispatcher elves who enter your Christmas list into the computer.

6.  Santa requests that children keep their Christmas lists to a minimum of 3-5 items that you REALLY REALLY want.  Not just everything you see or all the same things your friends are asking for.

7.  Santa cannot provide employment or a change of employment for your parents.  So if you wish for your dad who is an accountant to become an astronaut it isn’t going to happen, Santa has limited influence on NASA.  Unfortunately Santa is not an equal opportunity employer and only hires elves, so unless your parents are elves Santa can’t provide a job – but remember Christmas is a magical time and lot’s of good things happen to people this time of year.

8..  Cookies are really good and so is milk, but Santa also likes any leftovers from Christmas Eve dinner like some of those BBQ meatballs or some of the cheeseball and crackers and a Diet Mt. Dew would be GREAT!

and most importantly……

9.  If your mom and dad said “no” to something, don’t bother asking Santa because he always follows mom & dad’s rules first and foremost.

This is Santa’s highly coveted secret list so share it if you must but remember not everyone knows these Santa secrets. 😉


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