Diddly

Today is hard to write about tumors and chemo and surgery because it’s 9/11.  I think that most families pause and reflect on 9/11 about the events that happened in 2001, but for our family because we’re part of a larger firefighter family its more than just a day of reflection.

How does the Teagan story have anything to do with 9/11?  Oddly it does.  A few weeks before September 11th 2001 I had a miscarriage – my 2nd in 6 months.  After the miscarriage I just walked around in fog.  I didn’t want to talk to anyone or do anything and I didn’t want to try to have another baby — ever.  I was absorbed in self-pity.  Then one beautiful Tuesday morning I woke up to the unthinkable.  Suddenly the giant fog of self-pity evaporated and I was smacked in the face with reality.  Reality that there was so much more out there that was more important than me.

After 9/11 I realized that there might be a good reason to keep trying to have a baby — after all so many people lost so much on 9/11 my problem of not being able to stay pregnant seemed so very insignificant.  So I agreed to take shots two times a day in my stomach to try to have a second baby.

In November the FDNY was trying to organize a memorial for the firefighters that were lost on 9/11.  Dave and I decided to go and my mom and sister had asked to go with us.  I’m not sure what happened exactly but there was a riff between FDNY and the Mayor and other politicians and they ended up cancelling the service they had planned.  So Dave and I and I decided since we still had time off we would still go somewhere and we ended up in Gatlinburg Tennessee.

My mom and I were shopping in one of the little stores and I saw a cute little mint green Beanie Baby dog.  I picked it up and put it back.  My mom said to go ahead and buy it because with the shots I was taking if I was pregnant then I would be able to maintain the pregnancy and I could save the Beanie Baby for the baby.  I bought it.  It’s name was “Diddly” and its birth date was July 25.

Shortly after that trip I found out I was pregnant.  Then I found out that my due date was August 7th.  In May I told the OBGYN that I didn’t want to have the new baby on Dawson’s birthday and I also knew I had to stop taking the shots at a certain time before I delivered.  So she flipped through her calender and looked for a date that she could deliver because she was also not going to be available on August 7th.  She said about the only date that would work within the due date range was July 25th so that was when I was scheduled to come in to induce labor.

A few days after scheduling that date I happened to be moving things around for the new baby’s room and found the the little Beanie Baby I had bought back in November.  When I saw the date I was shocked.

So had I not been so affected by 9/11 I’m not sure I would have ever been convinced to try and get pregnant again.  And we would have never been blessed with Teagan Grace on July 25th 2002.  What the little Beanie Baby dog had to do with all of it I’m not sure — it’s just one of the unique curiosities that encompasses all things Teagan.

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