Since I am challenged in the modern world of computers, blogging, iPhone’s … I did not realize how to blog. So here is my make-up and blog (sorry honey). This current adventure started about a month ago with Andi and me talking about Teagan’s upcoming 5th anniversary of being tumor free. We still even after over 5 years we still struggle with the decisions we made. Were they the right ones? Did our delay have a worse effect on our daughter? What if, what if and it goes on. So Andi likes to write (her goal is to write a book and get it published) I said why don’t you write your feelings and thoughts, regrets whatever your feelings were and still are. She came up with the idea of posting them on her blog, me being the supportive husband I am I said it was a good idea. She asked if I would blog about my thoughts, feelings, and regret, the same she would do. I said yes I would and here I am (didn’t think she would hold me to it).
I have thought about what I am going to write in my blog. Do I want to write about the up times or the down times the whole experience, what do I want to say. I decided I am going to talk about what we’ll call it the journey. Like everybody else it started on September 7 th 2007. We made the trip to the hospital, driving to the hospital I thought at the time was the longest trip I had ever taken, little did in know that was going to be the shortest drive. After the MRI was done Andi and I heard the nurses talking about her room was ready, we just thought they were talking about someone else. Then the phone rang, the nurse looked at us both and said it was the doctor, so I thought well it can’t be that bad since he is calling and not like in the movies where the doctor comes in the room takes you to the side and tells you news that turns your world upside down. Well that was my thought, then those words I will never forget “I have some bad news the MRI showed a tumor in your daughters brain”. That was it. After I got that news it felt like I just got hit by a bus. Then the hardest part was turning to my wife and having to tell her that our daughter has a brain tumor. At this point most people I had heard of who had a tumor in the brain did not survive. So I held her for a little bit and looked at her and said I had to go tell the rest of the family. To this point I held my composure. So I go to the waiting room where my Mom and Dad, Andi’s Mom and sisters are at and they all look at me. I got the words ”she has a brain tumor” out and just started crying. The family asked me to repeat it again because surely they did not hear me right, there’s no way our granddaughter, niece and sister had a tumor. I looked up and saw my son Dawson I had tears in my eyes and then he started to cry. Well it had to be bad because Dad is crying, that is what he had to think. I don’t think my son had seen my cry up to that point in his life. Well he would see it a lot more as we continued on our journey. So I regained myself and went back in to be with my wife and daughter. So we made the trek up to the room. I met the pediatrician who was on that night. He showed me the MRI. And so here we go destination unknown.
I think Andi has covered the surgeries and the chemo. The main thing I want to talk about on the journey was all the little faces we saw and met, some won their battle and some had lost their battle with not only brain tumors but, all different kinds of cancer. There where families who had money and families who did not. So this cancer did not have a preference on who it effected. There were children who when they did their chemo had to stay in the hospital for days. It was just heart breaking. We thought it was bad when we went and spent a few hours with doing Teagan’s chemo. Now that we look at things we had a simple way to go. I remember a little girl who we’ll call “Little Angel”, when she had her chemo would have to stay for 5 days in the hospital. They were on the same schedule as were so we got to see her all the time. When you would see her she had a smile on her face and would run around just like any”normal” child would. We saw her a few times without a smile and that was rare. The doctors would make progress in one area of her cancer and then it would flare up somewhere else. Shortly after we finished our round of chemo treatments Miss Molly called us at home one night and gave us the sad news that Little Angel had lost a hard-fought battle with cancer. For me that made an impact on my thinking of our journey we had taken and are still traveling. Even though our journey was bad it could have been much worse, we still have Teagan with us today to enjoy, watch her play sports and grow up and some families will not have that. It is amazing what you can learn from a child. We think because we are adults that we have to teach the children, in most cases we do. In other ways we need to learn from the children. Most children just want to be a “normal” kid and some are not given the chance. There are children and families each and every day starting their journey. Some will have happy endings and some not so happy. So with that being said when you child wants to play with you and you are up to your armpits with work or things around the house take time to help them be a “normal” kid.
One last thing, before we started our journey I remember listing to the make–a-wish telethon on the radio. This gentleman called in and was in tears because he was complaining about having to run his kids around and then listening to the show felt bad because he realized not all families have a prefect journey in life.