We were done. We had survived 2 brain surgeries and 14 months of chemotherapy. 18 months of our lives had been dedicated to simply surviving. And we were done! YAY! There was this feeling of relief and elation. We had conquered the world. Anything seemed possible from this point. We had lists of things we wanted to do. We wanted to plunge head first into anything and everything.
Guess what happened? Yep that bitch called reality popped back into life.
Reality meant that we didn’t have an unlimited income to travel to all the places we had listed or do most of the things on the TO DO list. Reality meant that we still had to go every 3 months and have an MRI – which was the giant reminder that this trip to Brain-Tumor-Universe doesn’t every really “end.” Reality meant that Teagan’s left side was still severely affected from surgery and we still had to see doctors to do therapy and injections and later (although we didn’t know it then) more surgeries.
That brief time of euphoria we had was nice though. I’ve often wondered what it is like to be a mountain climber (hypothetically of course) — you know once you reach the top what’s left? Yep, you have to climb back down. Then once you get to the bottom you have to find a new mountain to climb.
We did have a nice view on the top of the mountain – however brief of time it was. It wasn’t like we had set a goal and accomplished it, but that’s kind of what it felt like. The climb down for us wasn’t really an organized step by step coming down so much as it was a clumsy tumble.
I think….. I think we are at the bottom now and are just looking for a new mountain. All four of us suffered some bumps and bruises on the tumble down. That’s the weird thing about having someone in your family with cancer — everyone in the family suffers some, not just the one with the illness. For instance, there’s Dawson. Who, anytime you bring up writing about his feelings, he ignores you and usually walks out of the room. He refuses to talk about it to us. He also suffered the lack of having parents who could help with 3rd and 4th grade homework. Which actually comes into play in 7th & 8th grade. I remember him having homework in 3rd and 4th grade, only because I remember once he and I having a giant argument in one of the family rooms at the hospital because he claimed he couldn’t do his homework because he didn’t have a pencil and paper and I made him go to Ms. Molly’s office and get some. But not having that structure of doing homework every night after you get off the school bus like other kids, actually having to do it at doctors office or hospital or if Mom & Dad remembered — that affects you in later grades.
I’m still optimistic that he will offer up his blog in the next 4 days. Yeah I wouldn’t count on it either.
The good thing about the tumble down the mountain was that Teagan got to tumble with us. She had a “good” tumor that was able to be removed and even though the chemo drugs sucked and still have a potential of causing problems for her later on — SHE IS STILL HERE.
(my favorite mountain climber — can you hear the yodeling song in your head?? – BWAHHH HAA HAA)