Greetings from the Beach…. The final chapter
About the “Coach” & Dave’s Future Occupation
On our first night here we went to the sports bar across the street and the guys sitting at the bar were all locals (or at least local now). They were all retired and arguing about taxis until the Preakness came on TV then they started arguing about horse racing. It’s kind of like going to the Hardee’s at home any morning of the week when the retiree’s gather for breakfast, men at one table and women at another table. Anyway, one of the more animated of the bunch caught my attention. “Coach.” That’s the only name anyone calls him. He owns a condo at the complex we’re staying in and runs the beach service (Coach’s Beach Rentals – $20 a day for 2 chaise lounges and an umbrella) for our condo and the one on either side. But everyone here just loves him. One guy was introducing Coach to his wife and kids – he had worked for him several years ago hauling beach chairs and talked about how Coach had changed his whole life. He seems like quite a guy. So I’ve decided that when Dave retires, he can start “Chief’s Beach Service” at whatever condo we end up at, changing people’s lives one beach chair & umbrella at a time. Then spend the afternoon at the bar stirring up stuff with the rest of the retiree’s. It sounds a LOT better than mornings at Hardees!
AMAZING Things about the Beach and Vacation
So on Friday while waiting for our dinner I asked everyone for a general consensus to come up with the Top 10 AMAZING things we’ve seen at the beach this trip. We had a lot of time to think about it because of our poor choice of restaurant for the evening. So here is our list (not necessarily in any particular order):
- At the coffee shop we saw a lady who had a nanny. She had one child. He was about 4. Really?? You need a nanny? Not twins or triplets or even 2 kids but one 4-year-old and she required a nanny. His name was Thomas — she said his name at least 15 times when we were in the coffee shop.
- There were a lot of body parts that had been paid for.
- Bikini’s should not be made in a size larger than an 8. Maybe a 10. Probably an 8. I mean you can buy the “Mom-kini” like I have. It’s technically two pieces but it covers the muffin top and all other areas that should be covered so that people in public don’t make fun of you.
- “I think the lady at the table next to us is a hooker.” (We were waiting a long time for dinner, the salad took 45 min to get to us so we had a lot of down time while making this list) You make the call: she had a really bad blonde dye job, candy apple red glossy lipstick, skin-tight black leather pants (it’s Florida and its 93 degrees with 100% humidity) and a glittery tank top that every time she moved her hot pink lacy bra popped out. Oh yeah …. And she left the table several times to go take phone calls.
- Totally opposite from number 4: While we were visiting the Gulf Islands National Seashore we noticed that there were signs for the Perdido Methodist Church. We thought it was a just a church picnic until the group proceeded to the water and started hosting baptism’s in the ocean. I thought it a bit odd at first until I researched the Perdido Methodist Church and found out that they offer Sunday services at their main church building and at the Flora-Bama Lounge. “Bible study on the 3rd floor above the main bar.” If you’ve read Jimmy Buffett’s books you know about the Flora-Bama.
- Dave likes to name fellow travelers while were on vacation: Marlboro Marge, Roid-Rage Randy, Plastic Patty etc…
- There is something odd about country music blaring while you’re eating seafood. I’m not sure what it is, but it just seemed out-of-place. (Again we waited for a long time for our food).
- There was the lady (Marlboro Marge) who was giving us some restaurant ideas as she owned a condo at our complex and spent a lot of time down there, she was suggesting the “Flora-Bama Yacht Club.” She was talking about the band that was playing there and she had taken her granddaughter who was about Teagan’s age. In her conversation she casually mentioned she let her granddaughter drink two pina coladas. Was she joking? Were they ‘virgin’ pina coladas?? I still don’t know. She just kept talking like it was perfectly normal to give a 10-year-old pina coladas.
- Making fun of the geeky family gathered on the balcony gawking at the Fire Department when Tattoo Tommy called 911 because he thought a guy was out in the water waving for help. They were rubbernecking so badly that the fire department even yelled up to the family “It’s Ok it’s just a guy kayaking!” Oh wait – we were the geeky family!
- When the manager tells the hostess “Seat them with the new girl.” Turn around and walk out of the restaurant. Or don’t and write an entire blog entry while waiting for your food.
Overall it really was a fun vacation. And I’m looking forward to future adventures like this one. After all it’s all about what you make of it – and if you’re like us you can find fun around every corner.