Always Test Drive Your Formal Wear

So now that we have the epic weather event out of the way on this vacation………..

On to the wedding.  The BIG event that has brought all of us to this lovely South Carolina destination.

We woke up to the brides itinerary laying on the counter in the kitchen.  It really wasn’t horrible like some bride-zilla monster list of things to do like 7am pictures with our latte’s and hair curlers or anything ridiculous.  Step 1:  9:30 am go to the cottage and decorate for the reception.  Step 2:  After decorating the bridesmaids and bride get their hair done at the rental house.   Step 3: The aunts (that’s me) pickup the cupcakes at 330pm.  Step 4:  Wedding starts at 430.

There were a couple of other things like when the groomsmen had to be at the cottage and what time pictures were for them — and who else had to be where when etc.. but mostly the 4 steps above were the most important.  Factors that were not considered in these plans are as follows:  there are only 3 bathrooms in the rental house and 10 people plus a photographer who had to get ready, there are only 3 cars available and only one that grandma can get into easily, there is only one groomsman who had to be at the cottage earlier than anyone else — and he’s not old enough to drive, and the US is playing Germany in the World Cup.

Step 1 mostly went OK.  There were several tables that were in the wrong place and had to be moved.  And all of the chairs for the wedding had to be reorganized.  But our little bride had everything neatly organized in Rubbermaid totes with labels and a picture diagram of what each centerpiece was supposed to look like — all the way down to ziplock baggies with the exact number of rose petals and sparkly plastic diamonds for each table.  Did I mention she teaches 2nd grade?  I wanted stickers and blow pops when I finished a table and it looked exactly like the picture. I was disappointed when there were no rewards.  Whew! for 10am it sure seems a bit warm.  Oh it’s 89 degrees with 93% humidity…..and it’s 10am.  But it’s OK!! 2 days ago the weather forecast said there was an 80% chance of thunderstorms and here we are sunny… very sunny …. and HOT!  Step 1 was complete and mostly on time.  On to step 2 and getting the bride and bridesmaids hair and make up done.

This is where things started to fall apart a little bit.  Luckily the people left behind at the house during Step 1 had figured out that they needed to get ready early rather than late.  Leaving the 3 bathrooms for the mother of the bride, the photographer, the aunts, the bride and a bridesmaid.  Yeah you do the math, it didn’t work out very well.  Meanwhile back in the living room the World Cup was going on.  For many families this wouldn’t be a problem.  However this involves my family and one member in particular that lives breathes and dies all things soccer.  And over the course of the vacation he has managed to suck everyone else into the soccer frenzy know as the World Cup.  There was yelling and gasps and words (lots of words) and we only had 15 minutes (half time) to dress him in his tuxedo.

When the aunts left (that’s me & my sister) to get the cupcakes slightly behind the 3:00 pm for a 3:30pm pick up time – there was still 2 bridesmaids who needed their hair done.  Keeping my fingers crossed we headed for the cupcakes – not being from South Carolina and relying solely on SIRI to guide us.  It was when I sat down in the passenger seat I realized the importance of test driving your formal wear.  When I had gone with B to one of her gown fittings the seamstress had her sit down, kneel, bend over, and other various positions that you don’t think about when you buy this giant dress with 20+ yards of satin and taffeta and tulle.  I even thought to myself at the time WOW that’s a GREAT idea because so many times you see brides who can’t sit down.  But when I purchased my absolutely lovely dress to wear to this wedding did I do any of those things? No – because I was so excited to find a dress that wasn’t part of the new clingy style that shows off  all your curves (not every curve really needs to show)- that I didn’t care.  So when I sat down in my sisters Tahoe I was a little miffed at the fact that the whole top of my dress gaped open in multiple spots revealing my not so fancy comfort-casual light blue Jockey bra.

Onward to the cupcakes, I will find a safety-pin (or 12) later!  The cupcake place had the order ready.  I saw it sitting on the counter  – at least I assumed the 60 cupcakes decorated in purple and white were for the wedding I was going to and not some other random Thursday wedding also with purple and white as their colors.  So I went to the counter and said I’m here to pick up the wedding cupcakes.  The blank and panicked look I got back was not encouraging.  She started flipping frantically through a three-ring binder – back and forth back and forth.  SIGH.  As politely as I’m capable of being in high heels and a dress that only fits while standing up I spelled the last name for her – slowly.  Again with the flipping, then a look of relief as she located the paper she was looking for.  Then another blank stare.  I was actually biting my lip at this point because the overwhelming need to yell “CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THIS GIRL GET US OUR CUPCAKES!!” was taking over every fiber of my being.  I’m not an impatient person exactly but when something as simple as this seems to overwhelm someone I get irritated – easily.  Add to that the time limit and high heels and the heat index approaching 101 degrees – did I mention the high heels?  I finally somewhat politely asked, “is there a problem?”  With this she timidly went and got someone else to help her – I guess the fact that she had to ring them up in the cash register was an issue because “wedding cupcakes” are a different rate than “everyday cupcakes.”  There was some rocket science involved I’m sure but we finally got checked out and she even helped us out to the car – which was very nice of her considering I was still trying desperately to make the top of my dress stay in one place and carrying 5 boxes of cupcakes complicated that.

At 405 pm we came sliding in sideways – because SIRI was not very forthcoming in her directions and we ended up going the wrong direction at one point.  The car full of bridesmaids came sliding in sideways right behind us. The average temperature at this point was 95 degrees with 97% humidity.  Did I mention it’s an outdoor wedding?  After dutifully setting up the cupcakes  I went on a quest to find a safety-pin.  Earlier during Step 1 we had an entire box of safety pins because we had to pin the table runners to the table cloths.  That box of pins had however been buried in a flurry of bride and bridesmaids and flower girls frantically flying in the bridal room and attempting to get dressed.  Oh well.  I’ll cross my arms or something.

Finally at about 440 the wedding began.  By this time most of the guests were melting like popsicles.  Which was kind of a good thing as the sweat was making the top of my dress stick to me.  But when we were all asked to stand as the bride entered the whole back of my dress stuck to my ass.  A few tugs and shakes and it mostly fell into place.  The seamstress should probably add that to her list of “tests” but I’m not quite sure how you simulate profuse sweating.  Luckily the minister was also sweating profusely so the ceremony ran along quickly.  I think it had to because the sweat was dripping in his eyes and he couldn’t read very well.

But overall things went well.  The dinner was amazing and filled with a lot of down home southern low country cooking.  And the rain held off until later in the evening which was nice because there was a rainbow.  How many couples get a rainbow on their wedding day?  And eventually I found a safety-pin – a little too late as most everyone had caught a glimpse of my comfy blue bra at that point.

Best wishes B and Logan!!  Despite the heat it was a beautiful wedding… with cupcakes, lots of cupcakes.

And in all honestly I hope I didn’t terrify the girl at the cupcake counter.  But I think I might have.  Oops.




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