Before anyone gets the wrong idea, Suck Bang Blow is a popular biker bar in Murrells Inlet South Carolina where my family recently went on vacation. But, as I was thinking about vacation it seemed like a good descriptor. There was the suck – it’s a long drive and there are multiple drivers who don’t understand some basic rules of the road. There was the bang – the fun parts of vacation like being at the pool and beach. And the blow – um yeah, I needed to think this through better.
For all you technical readers, suck bang blow is a motorcycle term to describe the cycles of an internal combustion engine: suck in the air and fuel mixture, it bangs when it’s compressed and ignited and then it blows it out the exhaust.
(Alice wanted us to leave this space open – see below)
Teagan is helping me write this blog, and we’ve tried several times to write all the stuff that happened and we decided the easiest way is the “Alphabet” vacation blog:
A – is for Alice. Alice Flagg is the most famous ghost along the Grand Strand. You can Google her name and get all the info about her history. We decided to visit her grave at the All Saints Cemetery in Pawley’s Island and play along with the legend by leaving rings at her gravesite. My ring flipped over after I put it on her grave. Dawson is convinced now she’s going to haunt us.
B – is for Baskin Robbins. Have you ever been really excited when you’re on vacation because they have a store that you used to have where you lived but now you don’t? You’re super excited to go there. Baskin Robbins broke my heart. I was super psyched to get classic chocolate chip ice cream. We arrived at 8:59 pm and by the time we got out of the cars and found the correct door we walked in at 9:00 pm to be told (angrily – I might add) “WE’RE CLOSED!” Um… excuse me? First, your sign says 10:00 pm. Second, the guy who walked in literally 30 seconds before us you’re helping. B is also for bitch. And Bu-bye because now I don’t plan on going to Baskin Robbins – ever.
C – is for Cardinal. On Sunday a pretty red cardinal landed on the fence around the pool. Hi mom! Glad you could join us. The same cardinal also saved us from the scary evil squirrels that lived in the tree in the front yard – that or they were battling over the weird seed/pod things the tree was dropping. I prefer the story where the cardinal was protecting us though.
D – is for Dead Dog Saloon. This is that one place you find on vacation that you fall in love with. It was great food, great service, great location, great atmosphere. So great we went there twice. The fun part was the first night, to win scavenger hunt points, Dave and Sara both ordered in fake accents which cracked the waiter up. We really should have gotten video. The waiter was from Indiana too, like he used to work at Cheeseburger in Paradise in Southport.
E – is for Exit 21B on I26 in South Carolina. It is the Bermuda Triangle of this trip. First, it has a drive thru only Chick-Fil-A (like a Rally’s). Second, if you get stuck in the Chick-Fil-A drive thru line, there is no getting out. Third, there is an A&W/LJS that is nearly impossible to get to unless you make several illegal driving moves. Fourth, the A&W/LJS is sloooooooower than snails. So after all these issues, you would totally stop there on the way home too, right? One car got stuck in the Chick-Fil-A lot again. One car made multiple illegal U-turns to get to the Wendy’s then back on the interstate. LJS ended up being speedy compared to Wendy’s. And, nobody’s hamburger was cooked.
F – is for Fish. Fish were hard to come by, except for the bait. PS you should never accidentally leave bait out in the car port. Teagan, however, cast out one time and caught a fish. Of course she did! Total fish count this trip: 3 and one blue crab that got away.
G – is for Golf Cart. We stayed in a “golf cart community.” People take these things seriously. They were tricked out with stereo systems and all kind of bells and whistles. As a matter of fact, golf cart with subs is on the next scavenger hunt list. (yes, we saw one) Also, the Garden City Mini Mart which is smaller than my living room, but handily had a Styrofoam cooler to put the fish in.
H – is for Hypothermia. Which is what you got when you jumped in the pool. It was not heated. I’m guestimating that it was somewhere in the 70’s. Teagan thought it was fine. Here’s the thing I don’t understand. I was happy sitting on the side, with no intention of ever getting in, but when my sister challenged me to jump in, I jumped. Why is sister peer pressure even a thing?
I – is for Ice Cream. After the Baskin Robbins incident we did find an awesome local ice cream place that was ACTUALLY open until 10 like they advertised. It was called Meyers Ice Cream Parlor and it had about 1000 options to make all your ice cream dreams a reality! Sadly no one heard Jacque request we bring her back a cup of chocolate chip.
J – is for “Just a little way down the road.” This is how Kim described the beach shop that was nearly a mile and a half away when she suggested everyone walk there to buy beach chairs. Luckily, Dave and I didn’t go because about an hour into the excursion we got a call to come pick everyone up.
K – is for Dachshund Kisses. For a minimum of two hours after picking the dogs up from the All-Inclusive Resort for Puppies you receive aggressive dachshund kisses.
L – is for the Lewis and Clark Bridge. The cable-stayed bridge at the Indiana/Kentucky border that crosses the Ohio River on what is or will soon be called I265. We crossed it on the way home during 25 mph sustained winds. Yep, just gonna leave that up to everyone’s imagination. Shit. Got. Real.
M – Is for Marsh Walk. The Marsh walk at Murrell’s Inlet was the most popular place on vacation. There are a lot of restaurants, the Lazy Gator gift shop, a seafood market, and Perry’s bait and tackle shop. We spent a lot of time here.
N – is for Fish Net. Dustin wanted a net to cast out to catch fish. A guy down the beach had one and was successfully catching fish. Note: When researching “where to buy fish net” you will be directed to the local lingerie store.
O – is for Western Omelet. Holiday Inn has not mastered the Western Omelet.
P – is for Mr. Pickles. Who, thanks to his “voice” (aka Teagan) asked daily in his nasal baby voice “How many more sleeps until you come home?” And, “I’m scared you’re leaving me here poreber.” (F’s and V’s are hard to say).
Q – is for Quahog (aka clam). Sadly, the only reason I know that quahog is a clam is because of Family Guy. Happily, I was able to answer an $400 Jeopardy question correctly because of my knowledge of quahog. Also, we saw a sign for clamshell recycling on this trip, which may also make it to the next scavenger hunt.
R – is for Rap Snacks. Rap Snacks are chips featuring moderately popular rap stars on the bag. We found them in The Middle of Nowhere South Carolina at a gas station time forgot.
S – is for Stars. Teagan attempted to use her telescope, but we had trouble with the focus. Also, you’re supposed to set it up 2 hours before dusk and have it focused and ready, not “Oh hey it’s dark and the moon is cool let’s set up the telescope”
T – is for Towel. Sara wanted to learn how to snap a towel. She did. And she snapped it on Kim.
U – is for U-Haul. We may need one for the next family vacation. As a whole my family would not fair well if we had to pack for an emergency evacuation.
V – is for Vacation. Duh!
W – is for Wahlburgers. There were burgers, tater tots, grilled cheese …. no t-shirts though☹.
X – is for Xbox. The boys love playing Xbox on vacation. It’s not my favorite thing on vacation but that’s another battle for another blog.
Y – is for Yuengling. Beer. Is. Good. I mean after all its vacation!
Z – is for Zombie Cat II. Stray cats seem to find us in South Carolina. This one was a black cat lurking in the shadows and scaring the begeezus out of Dawson one night. I thought he was seeing things until I saw it a few days later by the golf cart rental place. He’s convinced Alice sent it. I’m convinced it was hungry and found the bait they accidentally left in the car port.
And there you have the Suck. Bang. Blow of vacation.
(Yep still haven’t come up with anything clever for blow).