Hi everyone, sorry I’ve been out for so long. It’s a busy life being a long dog. Plus, Bam is the only one who knows how to log on to mom’s laptop and he and I got into a bit of a snit over my chew toy – he doesn’t seem to understand it’s my job to take out the squeaker.
I’ve been looking for a new career lately. Back up singing was a little harder than I thought it would be. Britney still loves me, but the choreography was hard with my stubby legs. I also recently found out that stubby legs make it hard to do the Kiki challenge. Kiki (that’s my nickname for Killer) do you love me? Of course you do, everybody loves me.
Anyway, no worries I’ve found the perfect new career. This morning on TV they were talking to Joey Chestnut about an ice cream eating contest at the Indiana State Fair. This guy’s whole job is to eat more pints of ice cream than any other guy in the contest. Uh hello??? Have you ever met a dachshund who can’t eat three times it’s weight in one sitting?
I looked up this Joey guy on Google and found out on the 4th of July he ate a record 74 hot dogs in 10 minutes. PPHHBTTT! I can totally do that, I’m just sayin’ I could probably eat 75. I mean I’m totally built to consume hot dogs, I even LOOK like a hot dog. Even though Bam says he rocked the look first and I’m just copying, whatev’s Bam. (Was he really that little?)
There’re all kinds of eating contests, not just ice cream and hot dogs. Tacos, Pizza, Ice Cream Sandwiches, Strawberry Shortcakes, Oysters (um… what are oysters?), Sandwiches – the list is endless. There’s even a Major League Eating organization. Mom’s going to send in my application next week. Some of their upcoming contests are: Cheese Curds, Gyoza (I have no idea what that is, but I’m willing to eat anything), Buffalo Wings (YES! Dawson wants to enter that one too), Cheeseburgers, Tamales, Pork Roll Sandwiches, Moon Pies, and Catalina Croquetas. I’m not sure what Catalina Croquetas are either, but mom said we can go because it’s at Calle Ocho in Miami. I guess its Cuban food?!?!
I didn’t see doughnuts on the list, I would like doughnuts.
Mom said Teagan won an eating contest once. She challenged one of the firefighters at dad’s station to a HoHo eating contest. She ate 13 in 15 minutes. She doesn’t eat HoHo’s anymore. The sight of them makes her nauseous.
In other news I was playing hide and seek with RJ the raccoon that lives under our mini barn. I found him hiding in the trashcan but he wouldn’t come out. That’s not how the rules work. I was too short to get into the trashcan so I did what any respectable hide and seek player would do. I went inside and got my big brother and big sister to help. Mom got really mad at us for trying to knock over the trash can. Then she got even madder when she heard RJ inside. She made Princess, Bam and me go inside and then she let RJ out of the trashcan. Not cool mom, not cool…. That’s not how you play hide and seek. Now RJ won’t come and play anymore.
<——That’s my friend RJ
Teagan made the soccer team at school. I’m totally going to be the mascot. I just have to find an Achaean outfit and get over my fear of soccer balls.
Hmm that might be harder than I thought! Where do you get a broom helmet and scary creepy face shield? Too bad she doesn’t go to Frankfort High School, home of the fighting Hot Dogs. I mean for real I need to apply to be their mascot!
Well, I’ve got to go practice for the next hot dog eating contest. I’ve just got to figure out how to get mom to let me eat 75 hot dogs. Bam says he can eat 76. Maybe when you were younger buddy, but I got this now. It’s a young pup’s game. Oh, I better be nice to him or he won’t log me on the laptop again. Um…. Yeah Bam, buddy you got this!
Peace, Love and hotdogs…..