Some days I just want the glass to be half empty. Is that so wrong?
Take for example this past Wednesday. Hump day. There was no particular reason for me to want to curl up on the couch and remain there for the whole day, but that’s really all I wanted to do. It was a bright sunny day, a balmy -3 degrees outside and I had the whole house to myself. I could have worked on numerous home projects or even got out my daughters art set and painted some crazy water colored mess that I like to pretend is art. But I didn’t. After sending my children off to school I curled up on the couch with a pillow and blankie and two oversized dogs and started watching one of the Wednesday NCIS marathons on USA channel.
There were plenty of things that could have been done: dishes, laundry, vacuuming, daring to enter the abyss of my children’s rooms to look for dirty clothes, dirty dishes, recyclables, and skeletons, whatever. Not to mention, writing, blogging, the 13 original colonies (see below), check book balancing, paying bills (including my $20 parking ticket because I paid for spot 1404 but was parked in spot 1405).
See these are some of the 2,000 things swimming in my head at any given point in any given day: finances, home repairs, home improvements, medical bills, job stuff, kids activities, schedules, global warming, world peace….. And I’ve only shared the tip of the iceberg. I could keep going and going and going. So sometimes (actually more times than I care to admit) I just need to completely veg out and concern myself only with the complexities of DiNozzo and Ziva’s relationship. Or wish I was as smart as Abby or as kick ass as Ziva.
By 1045 the guilt was starting to creep up the couch. The dogs are immune to that guilt – I need to know their secret. There was this nagging inner voice that kept saying, “You need to get up and go walk at the Rec Center.” It was followed by “If you don’t get up and walk at the Rec Center you’re going to dislike the pictures that will be taken this summer at your nieces wedding that make you look like every ‘before’ Jenny Craig picture ever taken.” DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THAT NAGGING VOICE!! But it’s there. Along with the one that tells me to go online and pay the bogus parking ticket (which now is $40 because there is a $20 fee assessed if you don’t pay in the first 7 days – always read the fine print) and do the dishes and the laundry.
At 1055 I had managed to peel myself off the couch and start to pull on sweat pants. I was actually irritated as the voice of my doctor entered my head, “Exercising is good for you because it releases those endorphins and increases happiness.” I DON’T WANT TO DO HAPPY TODAY!! Then at 1058 the salvation text message:
Wanna do lunch? Jimmy John’s 15 min.
This is why I love my husband so much. He saved me from exercise… and technically the couch of self-pity and sorrow. Ok true I was heading out to eat my negative feelings but negative feelings taste really good in the form of an oversized submarine (hoagie, grinder, whatever). I spent 10 of my Weight Watchers points but it was worth it. After all it did get me off the couch. It’s what happened next that still really irritates me.
So I left Jimmy Johns and had a decision to make. Turn left to go home and back to the couch or turn right and go to the Rec Center. SIGH. I have sweat pants on, I have my phone, my headphones, my Rec Center pass, and I just ate 10-points worth of negative emotions …. SIGH… turn right. Dragging myself out of the car I went up to the walking track. I’m only going to walk 1 mile and no treadmill or elliptical or peering into the exercise rooms to see if I want to join in on yoga or Pilates. Walk … Walk … Walk… Damnit I just smiled at the cute older couple shuffling along. Walk… walk….walk… Damnit I really like this song. Walk…. Walk… walk…. Damnit now I’m smiling at the Silver Sneakers Chess Club players. I HATE YOU ENDORPHINS!!
After walking my mile I even went to the grocery and bought some fruits and veggies and yogurt (yeah I think endorphins actually make you high), and the movie The Breakfast Club – because my daughter wanted to watch it. I went home and did dishes, one load of laundry and made dinner (frozen pizza counts as dinner in my world). We watched The Breakfast Club – my daughter likes to think of the 80’s as pre-historic so watching with her was entertaining. She has seen several TV shows and movies that reference The Breakfast Club and she wanted to watch it – so we did. Then we went over the 13 original colonies…. AGAIN. Because she has to take a test on them … AGAIN. Today will be her 3rd attempt to get a C or higher on the 13 original colonies. In case anyone is wondering they are Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, North and South Carolina and Georgia – no I didn’t have to look them up. She knows the states – it’s placing them on the map that becomes the issue.
For 2 ½ weeks we have gone over the damn 13 original colonies. She has to pass this test to pass social studies. Somehow she always manages to misplace one on the map and that throws her whole game off. But those endorphins must have still been kicking because I wasn’t irritated at our 3rd attempt to put 13 colonies on the map. Now she knows every word to “Don’t You (forget about me)” by Simple Minds and sang it perfectly(ish) at the end of The Breakfast Club, but 13 colonies elude her. SIGH.
All I wanted was a useless non-productive day on the couch with my friends from NCIS, 2 dogs, a pillow and a blankie. A day to put all 2000 things – including the original 13 colonies and my diet – at the very back of mind where they aren’t annoying me. Then those endorphins kicked in. Those stupid happy hormones that make you believe all the stupid happy sayings you have on your Pinterest board. I JUST WANTED TO LOOK AT A GLASS OF WATER AND SAY ITS HALF EMPTY!!!
But guess what endorphins…. I found other ways to unlock you. Several ways Dr. Healthy Pants (no offense I really do like my doctor) didn’t mention before. EATING dark chocolate releases endorphins. EATING spicy food releases endorphins. LAUGHTER releases endorphins. So my plans for my next hump-day-glass-half-empty-NCIS marathon-couch potato day include: Eating Dove chocolate, Taco Bell and watching We’re the Millers, Season 4 of Friends and quite possibly the American Pie series.
“Hey it’s Casey, not dead in a ditch (picture of a whale) #YOLO”